Welcoming a new baby is an exciting time, and it can also be overwhelming. The early months are often filled with sleepless nights, emotional highs and lows, and a significant adjustment for new parents. Friends and family can play a vital role in providing both practical and emotional support. But how can they be truly helpful? Here are some essential tips to make sure the support of new parents is meaningful while respecting boundaries.
Common challenges new parents face
In the first few months after childbirth, new parents experience a whirlwind of changes. These include sleep deprivation, mood shifts, and relationship adjustments. Beyond the physical and emotional shifts, new parents are also navigating their new roles and identities, managing expectations, and adjusting their priorities. For some, it’s also dealing with unexpected feelings of isolation, even when surrounded by loved ones.
As Jessica Tucker, DO, NABBLM-C a women’s health and lactation medicine specialist at the OhioHealth Fourth Trimester Clinic, explains, “All of these things happen together. Nobody really prepares us for how to handle all these changes that happen at the exact same time and influence each other.” She notes that these overlapping challenges can feel like a lot to handle, especially when advice often focuses on isolated problems rather than the entire experience. These realities make the first months particularly hard, but having a strong support network can help new parents work through these changes with a little more ease.
How to offer practical support for new parents
You know you want to support your friends or family members who are new parents – now what? Because new parents may be overwhelmed with all of the changes in their lives, they may not know what type of help to ask for or fully comprehend, in their sleep-deprived state, what tasks could be delegated to their support system.
“Many parents won’t realize when they need help,” says Dr. Tucker. “So instead of asking ‘What would be helpful?’ and ‘How can I help you?’, I think it’s important for families and friends to have an idea of a couple of things they could help with and offer those things to the new parents.”
Here are some examples of the language Dr. Tucker suggests using in these conversations:
- “I’d really like to support you right now. Would it be helpful if I came over and did the dishes or folded laundry?”
- “I know you may not be ready for company. Would it be okay if I dropped off a meal on your front porch and didn’t stay to visit?”
- “Would it be helpful if I watched the baby for a little so you can take some time to yourself to shower or take a walk?”
The first few weeks with a newborn often feel like survival mode, so any help that eases daily tasks is appreciated. Offering support without the expectation to stay and visit can be incredibly helpful to new parents, as it allows them to relax without feeling the pressure of hosting. A few ways you can offer practical support are:
- Preparing or providing food: Many parents appreciate having food prepared, whether it’s a hot dinner or freezer meals they can pull out when needed or even meal delivery gift cards.
- Helping around the house: Taking care of house chores, such as doing the dishes, folding laundry, or tidying up, can relieve stress.
- Supporting with older children: If the family has older kids, offering to babysit or take them for a fun outing can help parents focus on the new baby while ensuring the older children still get attention
During visits with new parents, it’s important to note that while some parents might appreciate someone holding the baby, others may not feel comfortable with it. Dr. Tucker cautions, “Sometimes new moms don’t want other people to hold their baby. Always ask first and be mindful and respectful of their wishes.”
Providing Emotional Support
It’s not just about the practical help—emotional support is equally critical. Being a good listener and creating a safe, judgment-free space for them to talk can make a big difference. Dr. Tucker emphasizes the importance of being present and understanding without overstepping: “I think it’s important to be mindful that what you think might be helpful may be more harmful.” She suggests offering your presence and care in a way that aligns with the new parents’ needs. Regular check-ins, thoughtful texts, and simply asking, “How are you doing today?” can show that you care without overwhelming them.
Respecting boundaries and parenting choices
Supporting new parents also means respecting their boundaries and parenting choices. Every family and every generation have their own approach, whether it’s about sleep, feeding, or vaccinations.
“I think that the way that families and friends can love new parents best is to understand and respect the new family’s priorities and values without imposing their own priorities and values,” says Dr. Tucker. “It’s really important for people to have conversations that are curious and not try to change new parents’ values for their family.”
Friends and family can best support by being curious and open, rather than offering unsolicited opinions or comparing current practices to what worked in the past. For example, while previous generations might have placed babies to sleep with blankets, today’s parents are more likely to follow newer, evidence-based recommendations for different safe sleeping practices. Infant feeding is another major area where past practices differ from current evidence-based guidelines and can create tension between generations caring for the same newborn.
Flexibility is key. Be open to taking feedback from new parents without taking it personally.
One of the toughest challenges for new parents is communicating their needs, especially when they’re overwhelmed. Dr. Tucker emphasizes the importance of clear communication – “It’s really important to be loving but firm about your boundaries.” New parents should try to be calm and objective when discussing their boundaries. As a supporter, encouraging parents to express what would bring them peace and rest can help align your support with their actual needs.
Recognizing Signs of Postpartum Depression or Anxiety
Postpartum depression and anxiety are more common than many realize and often go unnoticed. Dr. Tucker emphasizes that while mood changes after birth are normal, postpartum depression and anxiety symptoms should not be ignored. Friends and family should be aware of subtle signs like a change in behavior, withdrawal from social interactions and changes in mood.
“Maybe you noticed the person is not going on walks every day like they used to,” says Dr. Tucker. “Maybe they’re not trying to get back involved in a hobby or texting like they used to. Look out for those little, subtle, more nuanced things and behaviors.”
Start by checking in with new parents and saying, “I noticed you haven’t been responding to our group texts like you used to. I just want to check in and see if everything’s okay”. Reaching out with compassion and gently suggesting some mental health resources, such as postpartum support groups like Postpartum Support International or mental health professionals like those at OhioHealth’s Fourth Trimester Clinic, can make a significant difference and help ensure parents get the support they need.
Encouraging self-care for new parents
Self-care might look different after having a baby. “Maybe self-care used to sound like getting your nails done, but when you become a parent, self-care is one of those things that really change,” says Dr. Tucker. For new parents, self-care is about finding moments of peace and rest, which could be as simple as taking a shower uninterrupted or going for a 10-minute walk.
For expecting parents, Dr. Tucker recommends making a list of whatever activities and things bring you calm and comfort. “Sometimes you don’t even have the mental energy to remember what it was that gave you peace or rest,” she says. “So, when you’re expecting a baby and planning for postpartum, write down a list of things that bring you peace and rest and stick it on your refrigerator so you know where to look when you need it.”
Nutrition and wellness tips for new parents
Dr. Tucker stresses the importance of good nutrition to the well-being of new parents: “Food is medicine.” After childbirth, many parents neglect their own meals while focusing on their newborn. Offering to bring over nutritious meals or healthy snacks is an excellent way to support them physically and emotionally. Nutritional support for new parents doesn’t only have to be in the form of full, warm meals. It could also look like granola bars, prepackaged fruit cups, bottles of iced tea or Gatorade – whatever can make eating healthy and staying hydrated throughout the day easier. Keeping snacks around the house can be helpful too for times it’s not easy to get to the kitchen or pantry. Everybody has their own strategy when it comes to nutrition, whether that be partaking in a vegetarian diet, avoiding gluten or staying away from preserved foods. Make sure that you understand what their dietary values are of the parents you are trying to love on are.
Accepting help: Advice for new parents
Finally, accepting help can sometimes be difficult for new parents who feel like they should manage everything themselves. It’s easy to feel like you should do it all, but there’s no shame in leaning on others. Dr. Tucker advises to lean on your support network, reminding new parents that they don’t have to do everything on their own. Accepting help lightens the load and allows friends and family to share in the joy.
As a mother herself, Dr. Tucker said accepting help while protecting boundaries was one of the hardest lessons for her and her family to learn. “With each subsequent child, I learned more about how to ask for and accept help earlier on,” she says. She recollects reaching out for doula support, physical therapy, nutrition support and postpartum fitness support. Asking for and accepting help extends beyond the reach of your friend and family network – make sure to ask for support from care providers along the way as well.
Dr. Tucker works with other care providers at OhioHealth’s Fourth Trimester Clinic to make postpartum care more accessible to new parents. Covering everything from lactation support to behavioral health, the team at Fourth Trimester Clinic is there to help new parents navigate the struggles of their first few months of parenthood.
