College students face many different challenges; from what may feel basic, like getting enough rest or making sure we eat nourishing foods, to more serious topics like sexual assault or binge drinking.
Consent is essential in all relationships and circumstances. Most often, it is mentioned in the context of sexual relationships, and for good reason. According to RAINN’s statistics on undergraduate students, over 26% of females and almost 7% of males experience rape or sexual assault through physical force, violence, or incapacitation.
It is also important to address consent within our friendships, families, and work or school situations. By understanding what does and doesn’t establish consent, you can better protect yourself and others.
What does consent look like?
Eliza Sabo, Sexual Violence Prevention Coordinator for the OhioHealth Sexual Assault Response Network of Central Ohio (SARNCO), talked with OhioHealth’s Marcus Thorpe about consent in a recent Medical Minute video. “Consent is a voluntary, informed ‘yes,’ in its simplest form,” Sabo explains. “In the context of sexual encounters, consent is a voluntary, informed and enthusiastic ‘yes.’”
The person may say yes with their words, but every other part of them can say no. When asking for consent, pay attention to their body language— it’s key to understanding how people feel. A begrudging yes, accompanied by body language or facial expressions showing discomfort or hesitancy, is not consent. Remember, in sexual encounters, consent must be all three: voluntary, informed, and enthusiastic.
When your body sends you signals of discomfort or bad feelings, it’s best to listen to them, especially if they pop up more than once with a person or group of people. Whether you’re in a relationship with someone, met on a dating app, or have gone on a couple dates, there is no obligation to do anything sexual. Pay attention to how you feel and honor what your gut is telling you. Similarly, pay attention to others’ verbal and physical responses.
What about non-sexual consent?
Consent isn’t just for sexual situations – it’s present in other scenarios as well. When you feel compromised or like you’re giving your power away, ask yourself if you want to be involved. Examples of non-sexual, non-consensual situations may include:
- Having your picture/video taken without being asked
- Agreeing to plans when you don’t feel up to it
- Feeling pressured or uncomfortable around family
- Being hugged without being asked
- Someone borrowing your things without asking
Non-sexual consent can look very different depending on the situation. Sometimes, you can give (or not give) consent. When you agree to plans, you also consent to share your time with others. Nobody else is obligated to your time and energy. If you’re invited to do something but could really use some downtime to recharge, it’s okay to raincheck or say “no.” Boundaries and alone time are just as important as spending time with people.
Other times, people may cross your boundaries without first asking for consent. For example, if your roommate “borrows” your shirt without asking you, they fail to ask for your consent. Ultimately, learning your boundaries and communicating them to others is important. Whether it’s people you’ve known your whole life or someone you just met, they should respect your boundaries.
Remember “FRIES”
“An easy way to remember the parts of consent is to use the mnemonic, FRIES,” Sabo explains:
- F: F stands for “freely given.” No pressure – no manipulation, just freely given consent.
- R: R stands for “reversible.” Just because kissing or touching was consented to two weeks, two minutes, or even two seconds ago doesn’t mean it can’t be reversed. We are all allowed to change our minds. Consent is a choice at the moment – each moment.
- I: I stands for “informed,” meaning the person giving consent is of an age to give consent and is not impaired. If someone is sleeping, unconscious, drunk or under the influence of other drugs, they are considered impaired and unable to give consent.
- E: E is for “enthusiastic” – because you should only do the stuff you want to do, not things you feel you’re expected to do.
- S: Finally, S is for “specific.” Just because someone agrees to one thing doesn’t mean they agree to another. For example, if someone consents to kissing, they still haven’t consented to other intimate acts.
Resources
Unfortunately, not everybody understands the importance of expressed consent. You may meet some people in college who don’t seem to respect other’s boundaries, so it’s important to have the tools you need to protect yourself.
If you feel uneasy, doubtful, nervous, or scared, never hesitate to stop a situation where it is. This may mean physically leaving. If you feel unsafe, call a friend, family member, or authorities, if necessary. Have your school’s non-emergency line saved when you need extra support, and call 911 for emergencies.
Pepper spray, personal alarms, and emergency whistles are a few common non-lethal self-defense weapons you can carry on campus. Whether you’re alone or with a group, these weapons can add an extra layer of security to ensure a fun and consensual college experience.
You can also be a resource. If you see an opportunity to help educate others, share your knowledge about consent with friends and family.
If you or a friend have experienced sexual assault or harassment, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. The confidential National Sexual Assault Hotline is free and available 24/7 at 800.656.HOPE (4673) or chat online at online.rainn.org.
College 101 is an OhioHealth Wellness Blog series written by OhioHealth Marketing and Communications Interns. This article was written by OhioHealth Brand Journalism and Social Media Intern, Erica Wetzler.
