KEY TAKEAWAYS:
• Consent is ongoing: It can be given, withdrawn or changed at any point in time.
• Body language matters: Pay attention to both your partner’s verbal and non-verbal communication.
• Consent applies everywhere: It isn’t just for sexual situations, but also for friendships, social activities and daily interactions.
• You have the right to say no: At any time, for any reason and without any explanation.
SUMMARY:
Understanding consent is essential for creating safe, respectful relationships in college and beyond. Consent is voluntary, informed and enthusiastic. Not only is consent a verbal “yes”, but body language is another important aspect that can be easily overlooked. Consent is a two-way street, and it can be changed or withdrawn at any time. Setting boundaries and sticking to them, along with understanding what consent truly means, are two of the most important aspects to navigating relationships throughout life.
College students face many challenges, from what may feel basic, like getting enough rest or eating nourishing foods, to more serious topics like sexual assault or binge drinking.
Consent is essential in all relationships and circumstances. Most often, it is mentioned in the context of sexual relationships, and for good reason. According to RAINN’s statistics on undergraduate students, over 26% of females and almost 7% of males experience rape or sexual assault through physical force, violence, or incapacitation.
It is also important to address consent within our friendships, families, work or school situations. By understanding what does and doesn’t establish consent, you can better protect yourself and others.
What does consent look like?
Eliza Sabo, Sexual Violence Prevention Coordinator for the OhioHealth Sexual Assault Response Network of Central Ohio (SARNCO), talked with OhioHealth’s Marcus Thorpe about consent in a Medical Minute video. “Consent is a voluntary, informed ‘yes,’ in its simplest form,” Sabo explains. “In the context of sexual encounters, consent is a voluntary, informed and enthusiastic ‘yes.’”
The person may say yes with their words, but every other part of them can say no. When asking for consent, pay attention to body language — it’s key to understanding how people feel. A begrudging yes, accompanied by body language or facial expressions showing discomfort or hesitancy, is not consent. Remember, in sexual encounters, consent must be all three: voluntary, informed and enthusiastic.
Ohio University Campus Care provider Dr. Clem-Badhwar shared her insight about on-campus consent. “Having a sexual relationship or encounter with another individual requires communication both ahead of time as well as during the encounter to ensure both individuals are in agreement with what is happening,” she shared. “Consent is a two-way street and should happen on both sides.”
Especially for college students, Dr. Clem-Badhwar is careful to educate patients about what consent truly means. Consent cannot be given if either person is impaired by drugs or alcohol, and it is important for both people to recognize when their partner may not be able to give consent.
When your body sends you signals of discomfort or bad feelings, it’s best to listen to them, especially if they pop up more than once with a person or group of people. Whether you’re in a relationship with someone, met on a dating app or have gone on a couple of dates, there is never an obligation to do anything sexual. Pay attention to how you feel, and honor what your gut is telling you. Similarly, stay aware of others’ verbal and physical responses.
What about non-sexual consent?
Consent isn’t just for sexual situations – it’s also present in other scenarios. When you feel compromised or like you’re giving your power away, ask yourself if you want to be involved.
Examples of non-sexual, non-consensual situations may include:
- Having your picture/video taken without being asked
- Agreeing to plans when you don’t feel up to it
- Feeling pressured or uncomfortable around family
- Being hugged without being asked
- Someone borrowing your things without asking
Non-sexual consent can look different depending on the situation. Sometimes, you can give (or not give) consent. When you agree to plans, you also consent to share your time with others. However, nobody is obligated to your time and energy. If you’re invited to do something, but could use some downtime to recharge, it’s okay to take a rain check or say “no.” Boundaries and alone time are just as important as spending time with people.
Sometimes, people may cross your boundaries without first asking for consent. For example, if your roommate “borrows” your shirt without asking, they failed to obtain your consent. Ultimately, learning your boundaries and communicating them to others is important. Whether it’s people you’ve known your whole life or someone you just met, they should respect your boundaries.
Remember “FRIES”
“An easy way to remember the parts of consent is to use the mnemonic, FRIES,” Sabo explains:
- F: F stands for “freely given.” No pressure – no manipulation, just freely given consent.
- R: R stands for “reversible.” Just because kissing or touching was consented to two weeks, two minutes or even two seconds ago doesn’t mean it can’t be reversed. You’re always allowed to change your mind. Consent is a choice at each moment.
- I: I stands for “informed.” The person giving consent should be of an age to give consent and not impaired. If someone is sleeping, unconscious, drunk or under the influence of other drugs, they are considered impaired and unable to give consent.
- E: E is for “enthusiastic.” You should only do things you want to do, not things you feel you’re expected to do.
- S: Finally, S is for “specific.” Just because someone agrees to one thing doesn’t mean they agree to another. For example, if someone consents to kissing, they still haven’t consented to other intimate acts.
Resources
Unfortunately, not everybody understands the importance of expressed consent. You may meet some people in college who don’t seem to respect others’ boundaries, so it’s important to have the tools you need to protect yourself.
If you feel uneasy, doubtful, nervous or scared, never hesitate to stop a situation where it is. This may mean physically leaving. If you feel unsafe, call a friend, family member or authorities if necessary. Have your school’s non-emergency line saved when you need extra support, and call 911 for emergencies.
Campus-specific support:
- Ohio University Survivor Advocacy Program: (740) 597-7233
- The Ohio State University Student Health Services: (614) 292-4321
- Columbus State Title IX Office: (614) 287-5106
- University of Cincinnati Police Department: (513) 556 1111 (Emergency)
or (513) 556-1212 (Non-Emergency) - Miami University Title IX Office: (513) 529-1870
Pepper spray, personal alarms and emergency whistles are a few common non-lethal self-defense weapons you can carry on campus. Whether you’re alone or with a group, these weapons can add an extra layer of security to ensure a fun and consensual college experience.
You can also be a resource. If you see an opportunity to help educate others, share your knowledge about consent with friends and family.
If you or a friend has experienced sexual assault or harassment, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. The confidential National Sexual Assault Hotline is free and available 24/7 at (800) 656-HOPE (4673) or chat online at online.rainn.org. The Sexual Assault Response Network of Central Ohio is also available 24/7 at (844) 644-6435.
Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: What if someone seems unsure, but they don’t say no?
A: Hesitation or uncertainty is not consent. If someone appears uncomfortable or unsure, take a pause and check in with them. Consent should be enthusiastic and clear.
Q: Can consent be given if someone has been drinking?
A: No. If someone is impaired by alcohol or other substances, consent cannot be given. Impairment affects judgment and decision-making ability.
Q: How do I ask for consent without making it awkward?
A: Asking for consent can be natural and intimate. Simple phrases like “Is this okay?” or “Do you want to continue?” show respect and care.
Q: What should I do if someone withdraws consent?
A: When consent is withdrawn, stop immediately. Don’t ask questions; rather, thank them for communicating their feelings. It’s normal for people to change their minds, no matter the situation.
Q: Does being in a relationship mean consent always?
A: No. Being in a relationship with someone does not imply automatic consent. Each interaction requires fresh consent, and everyone has the right to say no regardless of relationship status.
Q: How can I support someone who has experienced sexual assault?
A: Listen without judgment, believe their experience and avoid asking questions about what happened. Remind them of their resources and offer to support them if they decide to pursue them.
College 101 is an OhioHealth Wellness Blog series written by OhioHealth Marketing and Communications Interns. This article was written by OhioHealth Brand Journalism and Social Media Interns, Erica Wetzler and Regan Simpson.
